


One Single Bullet

by pushupindrag



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve goes on a mission and doesn't come back. This is what happens afterwards, and how Bucky doesn't deal with it.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Their last kiss was sweet, a promise to come back and make diner together later.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	One Single Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> Not for the faint of heart. Please take the tags into consideration before you read this. All triggers are listed in the end notes, but they are spoiler heavy.
> 
> I tried to write something light hearted but this came out. It's probably the saddest/most angst inducing thing i've ever written and probably ever will write.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) and cry with me about Bucky Barnes
> 
> Un'beted so if you find any mistakes please let me know :)

Their last kiss was sweet, a promise to come back and make diner together later. A forehead kiss beforehand, promising to be back soon so they could finally cut Bucky’s stupid hair.

Steve hadn’t come back. He hadn’t made diner and he hadn’t cut Bucky’s hair. Steve Rogers had left on a mission, eyes smiling and warm. Only to not return, eyes dead and blank on a battlefield.

His hands, Natasha had said, were clutching at his dog tags. Bucky’s dog tags. And he had gone with a cruel laugh on his lips. She didn’t break it to him gently.

Clint had heard his last words over the comms, but he didn’t want to tell Bucky what they were  
“They might upset you.”

Bucky had reverted, grabbed his teammate by the throat and shook him until he relented.  
_Till the end of the line_. The stupid dumb punk ass piece of shit. It wasn’t, couldn’t have been. Because Bucky hadn’t died with him.

They were supposed to die together, in a fiery explosion in a burning building, or lying together in bed, winkles gracing their faces. They were supposed to be more than a death ten miles apart from each other, one leaving the other.

The Winter Soldier hadn’t cried. The Winter Soldier had torn up the apartment, breaking things and tearing the furniture apart in a rage that had to be subdued by sedatives. Bucky Barnes had cried, Bucky had screamed and sobbed and torn out his hair. Bucky Barnes had to be subdued with sedatives after he tried jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

They left him contained without his arm in a cell for the first week. One where he couldn’t hurt himself or others. It didn’t mean to say he wasn’t throwing himself at the walls. Screaming his throat raw. He doesn’t remember much, but he thinks he was screaming for Steve.

It was a bullet of all things, that killed Steve Rogers. Or Captain America, as the media insisted on calling him. Bucky hadn’t been allowed outside after he found out that. The others scared that he would go on a rampage.

Because Steve Rogers was not Captain America. Steve Rogers was Bucky’s best guy. His right hand man. The love of his life. Friend to many. Protector of all. Steve Rogers was not Captain America.

One single bullet. Just above the heart. Too close to save him, not close enough to kill instantly. A single bullet took down Steve Rogers. It seemed an appropriate way to go. No hail of bullets, desolate screams or path of fire. One bullet. It took ten more to take down the man who had shot Steve. Ten more days to finally eradicate HYDRA.

A last farewell, to the last of Steve Rogers buried in 1943. Bucky had done it himself, able to sneak out at night and finish the job he and Steve had set out to do. He thinks, that they had let him, and it wasn’t down to him at all. He had left the tracker in his shoe, after all. It would have been easy enough to find him.

He wanted them to. Wanted them to take him down, convinced that he had gone back to being the Winter Soldier. But he knew they knew, that when he had finally shot the last remaining HYDRA agent, it had all been Bucky Barnes. Hell bent on revenge.

The funeral was not a large affair. The media hadn’t been told, and only the avengers were present. Bucky had cried on the casket. Kneeling with his hands clasped on the closed lid. Nobody had moved him, just let him cry quietly throughout the ceremony. He was wearing his best suit with one of Steve’s shirts. The familiar smell just made him cry harder.

He didn’t go to the burial. But he had made sure that the grave was a double one. He would be there soon. He would be six feet under soon. He had to be.

They had given him a therapist. One he fobs off with stories and tales of things he never did, tame enough to be believable, and doesn’t tell them about Steve. Doesn’t tell them about his suicidal inclination. Although by the way Natasha and Sam had him monitored, they had already noticed.

Steve was his everything, now his everything was gone. What was he point?

Planning wasn’t the problem. He knew what he was doing. Leave his body, clean enough that he would look presentable in his casket next to Steve’s. No note needed.

This had been planned before. With only one viable outcome at the end. Being the Winter Soldier, there was always an escape route. And he needed to escape from this hell.

It wasn’t a dull hurt. It was a roaring ache. One he couldn’t wait to be rid of. To be back with his Stevie again.

They were going to have children. They were going to have a dog. They were going to quit their superhero life. It would have been perfect. Steve making breakfast in the morning, and Bucky running around after toddlers. Giving them piggy back rides and letting them swing off his metal arm. Sleepless nights with tummy aches and sick bugs the kids would have picked up from school. Moody teenage angst and getting to be the protective father figure when their daughter went on her first date. Just to make Steve laugh and the kid to roll their eyes. Weddings, getting to give their kids away with Steve and pretending that they weren’t crying their eyes out, causing a scene. And Grandchildren. He would have spoilt them rotten, competing with Steve to see who would be the best grandad.

It was all planned. All of it.

Right down to now. The possible outcome of Steve dying before him. It was always planned out, whether he was old and alone. Or young on the battlefield. A life without Steve Rogers was not worth living. And there was no question about whether or not he would go through with it.

Sitting on his bed. Steve’s dog tags in one hand, gun in the other. He doesn’t even get to hear the shot.

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers:  
> -Steve's death is detailed within paragraphs 1/2/3/9/11  
> -Bucky attempts suicide in paragraph 7  
> -Bucky shows suicidal intention/thoughts throughout the whole text  
> -Bucky commits suicide in the last paragraph  
> -Violence detailed/mentioned throughout the whole thing


End file.
